Judges

I wonder how many Christians have been following the recent Brett Kavanaugh media debacle and thought to themselves “Well, since he didn’t rape that woman, we will never know if he would do the right thing by giving her father $50 and marrying her.”

I doubt they have, though, because the bible is stupid, and Christians don’t follow it.

For those elsewhere in the world or just not up on current events, President Trump has nominated Brett Kavanaugh as his pick for the next US Supreme Court Justice. This position is only held by 9 individuals (at a time), has life tenure, and is the highest office of the third branch of our government- the judicial branch.

But, it is alleged that when Brett was a youngster, he tried raping a girl. Since he is about to hold this highest judgeship, some people would like to know if this is true.

Your friendly Spartan Atheist is not here to pass a sentence of guilt or innocence on this man. However, it does afford an interesting opportunity to note just how full of shit Christians are when they claim to “follow the bible.”

Just imagine for a minute a confirmation hearing where the judge actually followed the bible.  Just what would our laws look like?

Murder: One witness is never enough. It must be two or more. Nobody cares about evidence.

Murder in the country: the elders of the nearest town must take a young heifer down to an unplowed valley and break it’s neck.

Wills: you must will your property to your oldest son, even if he is the son of the wife you don’t like, and you like a different one of your wives more.

Capitol punishment: you aren’t allowed to leave the corpse of a criminal on a post overnight. Hanging them on a pole in the middle of town is otherwise okay.

Alcoholism: Parents will take their gluttonous or drunkard children to the elders and declare it, and then everyone grabs a huge rock and beats the living f**k outta the guy until he’s dead.

Marriage: if the woman turns out to not be a virgin, beat the living f**k out of her with rocks.

Now, I can hear the stupid apologists already. “The new testament changed the old testament”. Only this excuse is bullshit. And it only takes one question to demonstrate that: Are the 10 commandments new or old testament?

Yes, the real answer is the new testament only ever says that certain rituals are no longer required. But the law remains. In modern Christianity, this translates to ignoring all the stuff that they know is stupid, and pretending that it no longer applies.

The 21st amendment to the constitution repealed the prohibition of alcohol, but nobody goes around saying that it repealed the office of the President. Yet this is just how stupid their argument is.  If the Ten Commandments are the foundation of our country, then the bit about killing a cow if someone gets murdered should also make the short list.

And let’s not forget, there’s an entire book of the bible called- you guessed it- JUDGES!  Any chance any Christians spend any time whatsoever actually reading this?

I flip through my highlighted and margin-noted bible now to recap the Book of Judges for you: God sets up leaders and then kills them or other people randomly based on if they have rocks in a pile or not.  Also, the people in this story must be exceedingly dumb and suffer from short-term memory all.  Also, god repeatedly picks fights, even specifically sending magic to get people pissed off at each other.  He made bets with people that resulted in them killing people.  See Jephthah.  He rewarded a guy for killing his brothers.  He fucked a guy over, sentencing him to imprisonment and misery, for getting a haircut.  He burned a city to the ground that was quiet and secure because they had the wrong statue.  A gang-raped woman was sentenced to being cut up into 12 pieces and those pieces sent all over the country.

But most important, you should note, is the main theme of Judges: Shit was completely fucked up beyond all belief because the people didn’t want a King.  You see, god HATES people that think reasonably.  God LOVES people that mindlessly grovel.  THAT is the message of Judges.  That is the entire purpose of the whole story of bullshit and killing and war and subversion and distrust.  Groveling is good, thinking is bad.  Period.

So maybe the Christians are following the bible after all.  Given that so many have vehemently come to his defense, despite knowing absolutely nothing other than his appointment was by Trump, I think it’s possible they already are in the habit of not thinking.  But worse, they are now attempting to place non-thought in a position of power.  I can think of nothing more bible-god-like than being a complete asshole and passing judgement on people based on if you like them or not, after all.

They bow to the most vile character in all mythology, insist that their groveling be the standard of all, and still manage to be total hypocrites themselves.

But fuck them. I would rather be judged by nine intelligent, reasonable, questioning people than lower my head to the power of a vindictive, petty, unhinged god.

The Spartan Atheist