Me: Hi, Bob. I was thinking, you should really stop eating bread because Fred says so.
Bob: Who the fuck is Fred, and why do I care what Fred says?
Me: Fred is a good friend of mine, and he’s always right.
Bob: Always? What else is he right about?
Me: Well, for example, he recently said SpaceX would launch the orbital, fully stacked Starship by September, 2022
Bob: Are you kidding me? Ha! He was wrong, dumbass! You may have noticed that Starship still has not gotten off the ground.
Me: Well, we haven’t SEEN it launch, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t.
Bob: Are you serious? Rockets are giant and can be seen for miles in every direction, and SpaceX especially has lots of YouTubers staring at it all damned day every day. There was no launch.
Me: Oh, Bob. You are so naiive. They probably just launched at night.
Bob: Um, are you being a complete idiot right now? They still make nearly blinding light and noise that can literally be FELT for miles around. Are you saying all those YouTubers cameras are unable to capture super bright light, and everyone somehow was just so numb they didn’t literally feel the shaking or see the rattling of objects in their rooms?
Me: Bob, you are overthinking this. Fred is just always right, even if we don’t always understand him.
Bob: You literally just gave me an example of how he was totally and completely wrong, about something else other than bread consumption, and you take that to mean I should not eat bread. Do you understand how ridiculous you sound right now?
Me: Look, I don’t want to fight about this, you can just ask Fred yourself.
Bob: Perfect. Do you have his number?
Me: Oh, you don’t call or text Fred. LOL! That isn’t how he does things.
Bob: You are killing me.
Me: Sorry, I’ll explain. What you do is if you want to talk to Fred is you write a note on a piece of paper and deliver it to any of Fred’s friends. Then we take your paper and burn it in a ritual, and then we feel what Fred wants to say in return. That’s how you know it’s for real, because we feel it inside us.
Bob: Um, looks like I’m eating bread for the rest of my life.
Me: What? Why? I think you probably just had a bad childhood. Don’t you know that if you don’t do what Fred says you will be sent to a North Korean torture prison?
Bob: I never even heard of this god-damned Fred before, and now you are going to threaten me if I don’t do what he says? Actually, what YOU fucking say he says because for some inexplicable reason he doesn’t communicate with you using words?
Me: Me? I wasn’t threatening you! It’s your choice if you go to the North Korean torture prison.
Bob: You have to be a fucking idiot.
Me: So name calling? And the reason we don’t just talk to him is because he is magic, and invisible. He doesn’t communicate using our language, he just lets his thoughts enter our heads.
Bob: Go away. You are unhinged.
Me: I’m sorry, I just realized that this thing kept autocorrecting me. Fred. LOL! No, I’m not talking about Fred, I’m talking about God.
Bob: *Blinks in horror at the stupid.*
The Spartan Atheist
The Spartan Atheist 
IMO, Fred is as good a name as any. Results are the same. 😈
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“Fred is dead” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Freddie’s Dead — Curtis Mayfield
The Fred Delusion — Richard Dawkins
And so on…
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Lol! Indeed. Amazing how much effort has to be surmounted just to explain to people that their imaginary friend is not real and nobody cares, and leave it alone.
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I think you might have enraged at least one rabid, fundamentalist Christian with your words. To that I say, keep it up!
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I enrage many of them, it seems. I have one troll right now trying to put his two-cents worth. Unfortunate for him, lying and gish-galloping and refusing to engage in responding to legitimate questions has him banned for… Probably ever unless I feel like showing everyone what an idiot he is again.
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If we’re talking about the same person (and I suspect we might be), he is banned from commenting on my site too, given his inability to be reasonable or rational. I wish you continued success in showing him for the miscreant he is!
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Upon review, it is the one and the same. It is the equivalent of jumping up and down and screaming nonsense words in someones face for 20 min, then claiming they won when the other person leaves. That is his debate style.
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Wait until you tell Bob that Fred is only a third of another person and that this Fred guy died and arose from the dead. If it was not a such a stupid story this should drive Bob to drink and drugs and of course the chances of Bob being a homosexual and Fred hating him and sending him to the NC torture chamber is on the cards and possibly Bob may top himself.
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Lol! The stupid really does burn.
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It’s funny how they mistake atheist sarcasm for anger (They think we’re angry because we hate their god). No, the sarcasm is just a tool to ridicule the sublimely ridiculous, which then makes the fundie angry, because — let’s face it — no-one likes to be mocked.
But then, maybe they should get some beliefs that aren’t so eminently mockable.
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