Alexander VI: The Horse Porn Pope.

Nothing says “Catholicism is a bunch of bullshit” like papal history. And just let me pause here for one second and recognize that I seem to say this a lot. “Nothing says bullshit like their own thing” seems to be a running theme of my blog posts. Maybe people should learn from that. But I digress….

Just like the English monarchy, Christmas traditions, and the GOP being anti-abortion, these very relied-upon institutions of today are not actually that very old. The orderly papal sucession was actually upended a mere 9 years ago when a Pope *gasp* resigned! But in terms of crazy papal shit, that barely scratches the surface. And let’s remember, boys and girls, according to the Catholic Church, the Pope is god’s personally appointed leader here on earth, a position of unbroken succession from Peter himself that Jesus called his “rock.” And if that were even remotely true, it would be fairly impressive. But of course that’s all just horseshit. And the most obvious reason is because right now, at this very moment here on earth, there are at least 4 popes!

Think about this little bit of trivia. Four popes. Naturally most Americans are only aware of the one, because we are culturally and ancestrally more related to Europe than other places in the world. But there are entire nations of people that think of the pope as one of the other dudes. And frankly, those dudes have just as much legitimacy as the one we think of in the west. But let’s say you are fond of the Roman Catholic Church. You still have a problem, because for 39 years in the 14th century (longer than life expectancy of the era) there were 3 numb-nuts all claiming to be the legitimate pope of that church. Three wieners all claiming that god had hand-picked them to be his vicar on earth is nearly irrefutable evidence that god didn’t have a fucking thing to do with it.

And here is something else we should consider. Even during times when god apparently wasn’t having multiple-personality disorder and appointing a handful of people to be the one guy, taken as a group, popes are NOT the kind of people we would want to associate ourselves with. These fuckers could be cruel, harsh, corrupt, preverted, partisan, and often just immature.

If you think of the Pope as a somber, intelligent, thoughtful, and reflective character, then don’t spend any time looking into pope history. For example, Pope Alex the 6th was such an immature halfwit that he would intentionally breed horses so he could laugh and point while they fucked. And I’d like to point out that this wasn’t a 13 year old boy that just had his balls drop. This guy was 61 when he became pope. This is the guy that was advising the monarchs that funded the expeditions of Christopher Columbus, a Spanish pope for Spanish Catholic Spain. This guy was at the table of leaders that re-made the map of the globe. And he laughed at animal copulation like Bevis and Butthead. Oh, and it wasn’t like he was a virgin either, having spawned a bunch of kids by various mistresses. Modern Catholics would faint to know this guy was their leader.

Let’s be honest. The history of feudal Europe is just a history of the Church pulling strings. All the wars, all the horrible kings, all the killing of children and women, and all the near-slave like treatment of peasants is a direct result of the Church meddling in the affairs of the state. The pope has blood on his hands. Pope Clement VII was particularly interested in pitting countries against each other as long as he made a buck out of the deal.

And I won’t make this an exhaustive list of papal scandals, but let me just note that there were lots of sexually active popes, popes that raped and murdered people, popes that supported facism and racism (including Hitler), and popes that came up with schemes to tell people they had to pay or go to hell. Don’t forget the popes that covered up for pedophiles. Then there were popes that excommunicated people for being right, popes that authorized torture, popes that threatened bishops to get their position, and of course, popes that never even existed but were made up to retroactively claim an unbroken line of succession.

Yes, that’s right, somewhere around the year 180 a guy called Irenaeus basically made up the first two or three popes to justify their claim to being Peter’s (who is also probably made up) successors. This is like me making up grandparents and great grandparents to show I was a direct descendent of Santa Claus. Even worse, it’s like my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren repeating the lie. That’s ultimately what papal history is- a lineage built on a lie about a man that was a lie in order to get money. And it worked, since the Catholic Church is nothing more than a criminal organization fleecing their flock.

And once again, I will respond to whining that I know will come. “But Spartan Atheist, all organizations have corruption. Those popes were sinners, but don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.” To you I say, you have missed the point entirely. The claim is not merely of an organization that guides worshippers. No, the claim is specifically that The Pope speaks directly to god and is his single leader on earth. That is the claim that is obviously bullshit. Just imagine for a minute if the United States had four individuals all claiming to be the legitimate President, and they all actually have some claim to that, and they all governed some sections of the US. If that were the case, we would not be following the US constitution and that document would be worthless. But if the constitution is being followed, there is only one President. And if the Church is right, there is only one Pope.

Which means the Church is wrong. This should be no surprise to anyone that can think for themselves.

The Spartan Atheist

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