Fart Noises

What does a fart look like when it thinks it doesn’t stink?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Aw, man. That’s funny.

For those of you not in on the joke, I’ll explain: This man is Kenneth Copeland, a televangelist out of Texas. He is probably most famous in recent history for defending his need for his third private jet, and having the gall to tell people that it is their Christian duty to send him money so he can buy one. The other two private jets weren’t quite good enough, you see, and regular airplanes mean sitting next to sinners that could rub off on him. I guess that means prayer doesn’t work that well?

He also doesn’t believe in measles vaccinations and preaches that god will protect people from measles, which of course is why his church and associated churches were at the epicenter of a 2013 measles outbreak, a disease that previously was thought to be eliminated from the country. If only he had learned his lesson back then.

Now that the world is in the grips of a global pandemic, the ol’ preacherman and his previously demonstrated lack of understanding of infectious diseases have managed to make news again by claiming to “blowing away” the novel coronavirus and Covid-19. In fact, he stated that as of that day, April 2nd, 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic is over.

I’m not the smartest person in the planet, but it is now 4 months later and there has been a pretty massive resurgence of the disease both in the US and around the world. In my super-humble opinion, he was wrong.

LOL! Okay, not always entirely humble, but holy shit! How wrong can you be? And if he was that damned wrong, that means that his whole “blowing” thing was nothing but cheap stagecraft. It was nothing but cheap parlor tricks, only without the trick. He might as well have farted and called it the voice of God.

But that’s what being a preacher is all about. From an obvious con-man like Copeland to the nice old modest guy in the small community church, they are all just liars and charlatans. But this guy just stepped up the bullshit to the next level. This asshole wants to get credit for something by making blowing noises. Something that didn’t happen, by the way. He makes fart noise, nothing happens, PAY ME!

I can think of no other job in the world where your inability to get anything done is so overlooked. Not even politicians get away with this much uselessness. They at least have to demonstrate that they were able to stumble into a room once or twice in the past 4 years and say “yay” or “nay” to vote on something that actually happened. Preachers, meanwhile, never bother with following up on their promises, prophesies, proposals, preaching, prompting, posts, prescriptions, presumptions, propping, propositions, partnering, premonitions, papers, pining, pronouncements, prattle, preparations, or pontification. (Known as the “PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPs” of the Pulpit”) Let ‘er rip, and damned the consequences! They mumble some words, or make goofy face farts, and that’s the end. Nothing that happens later matters. Send Money!

The rest of us in the real world have to actually produce. We have to get things done. We are actually held accountable for our actions.

Preachers talk out of their ass. This may leave them nice and warm, but it also leaves them covered in shit.

The Spartan Atheist

5 thoughts on “Fart Noises

  1. chris schilling August 11, 2020 — 6:41 am

    “What does a fart look like when it thinks it doesn’t stink?”

    On this occasion, it looks like a schizophrenic octogenarian with dyed hair in a bad suit, pulling stupid faces and speaking gibberish.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Let ‘er rip, and damned the consequences! They mumble some words, or make goofy face farts, and that’s the end. Nothing that happens later matters. Send Money!

    And people have sent him enough money for three private jets (and doubtless truckloads of other expensive crap). Dang, if only I had a little more acting ability and a lot less ethics…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Why is it that the ethics that supposedly come from god so often miss the godly?

      Like

      1. The Man Behind the Curtain created Oz the Great and Terrible to fool and manipulate other people, not himself.

        Liked by 1 person

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