In A Word on Sex, I discussed many ridiculous religious claims about sexuality. I would like to examine something a little more personal in this article. I’d like to discuss sexual and relationship satisfaction. And a warning up front, I’m gonna go personal here. But since basically none of you know me personally, its not really personal. Right?
I just had some mind-blowingly awesome sex. And yes, before anyone asks, I’m in a committed relationship with my co-writer Dark Love. And yes, it was just the two of us. And yes, we are monogamous.
Not that any of those details particularly matter, but I just want to plant that flag. And the reason I want to plant that flag is, I’m a heathen atheist! Mama! Get your guns!
Sorry dear reader, I got a little funny image in my head. Anyway, a little while after this awesome experience just mentioned, a conversation between Dark Love and myself jolted a memory. I remembered from my youth that the Christian propaganda was hard at work slipping in the message that Christians have better sex than other people. Seriously. This bullshit still passes around today, disguised as some secret bit of naughtiness that only a few know but is totally amazing. You know, typical psychological operations stuff. Pretend it is a secret, and then tell everyone.
But I just had amazing, wonderful, satisfying, guilt free, exciting sex. How is that possible? I’m a heathen, sinful degenerate, after all. Well, that’s easy to answer. Its because the great sex life thing and great relationship thing is a complete hoax. Made up. Bullshit. Pure and simple propaganda, through and through.
“But Spartan Atheist, how can you say this?” you might ask. Easy: Bad statistics, good statistics, and unsupported conclusions.
Basically, every argument ever on good Christian sex comes from a single survey done 3 decades ago. I know this because every article I could find on the subject referenced the same study. Its so old it isn’t even available anymore, but if you read the article I posted, the author helps me out in identifying that causation is not correlation, and that surveys can lie, depending on how the questions are asked. And really, surveys are useful but they aren’t as reliable as good, hard data.
There are a lot of reasons people lie on surveys, but one obvious reason is if they are trying to influence the outcome of the survey. If a survey is too obvious in the type of metrics they are examining, people will notice and respond how they would like the answer to be. If you ask someone up front what their religion is, they are going to understand that their answers will reflect on that religion. Christians know they are SUPPOSED to be happy with their one chosen mate, so their answers will skew toward that answer. Bad data gathering results in bad data, and bad data means bad statistics.
On the other hand, we DO have good statistics that aren’t influenced by people’s emotions. And let’s build this: People in good, healthy, satisfying relationships will have lower divorce rates, be honest with their partner on what they want sexually, and cheat less. A good relationship is built on long-term trust, goals, and sustainability.
What do we actually find?
The more religious parts of the country have higher divorce rates. Hell, even religious groups in less religious parts of the country have higher divorce rates.
The more religious parts of the country (where being gay is a sin) watch more gay porn.
One study found participants in casual bathroom sex were typically married and religious.
The more religious people tend to get married younger, have children earlier, and earn less money, not to mention are more likely to get married due to an unplanned pregnancy.
Yes, the very people that say you should live your life like them are more likely to lie to their spouses, cheat on their spouses, divorce their spouses, base their relationships on unplanned events, and earn less money, further straining the relationship.
Nothing cracks me up like preachers trying to justify their religion. They will clamor at ANY insignificant detail if it paints their religion in a positive light. But since the insignificance of the detail is just that, they have to make it somehow significant, and make up a full-blown explanation without any further data to rely on. This is called “making shit up.” Then again, that’s what preachers do for a living so we shouldn’t be surprised.
As it has been pointed out, many religious people ARE having the best sex of their life, because they’ve only HAD sex with one person. That doesn’t necessarily make sex better, it more likely makes the person accepting of what they have. But we don’t have the data to prove it either way. Saying that Christians have the best sex is therefore a very, very unsupported conclusion.
And I don’t know if anyone else realizes this or not, but sex is FUN! Damned fun. Like, really, really, really damned fun. Anytime you are having sex somewhat frequently not only are you having more fun, but your health is actually better as well. This includes your mental health. So it’s no surprise whatsoever that people in a sexual relationship tend to think their sex life is awesome. Also no surprise, if you have sex with the same person a lot, you have more chance to experiment a little (or a lot) and dial in your “performances” in ways that are satisfying to both of you. But if you’re secretly gay, you aren’t actually happy with your sex life. You are faking it because you are supposed to. And we know (based on the good statistics above) that lots of religious people aren’t actually happy, despite saying so.
And since the reality is Christians are not actually having better sex than anyone else, it absolutely negates all of the bullshit reasons they say after. Porn is the reason for divorce they say? This sex therapist say watching porn with your partner brings you closer, opens honest communication, and open the door for better sex. You know, the opposite of things that get you divorced. But needless to say, the claims are unsubstantiated. Because Jesus? Again, religious people means more divorce and more cheating. Only one partner? Same. The results are worse.
So no, religious people aren’t getting anything better than the heathen rest of us. They are having sex and it’s great because it is sex. But to pretend they somehow have an edge in this department is ridiculous. If they actually want to have better relationships and better sex, they should try honesty instead. You know, like us heathens.
The Spartan Atheist