Excuses are like Apologists

Have you ever heard the phrase “Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one.”? Well excuses, like assholes, are the domain of apologists. Now, I’m fully aware that “apologist” doesn’t mean they are apologizing for the faith, or something like that. It means they are the the defenders of the faith. They are the ones that argue for a reason to believe. And every last one of them is a walking bucket of excuses.

You have to be full of excuses to be an apologist. Since there is absolutely no evidence for god, since this god likes playing hide-and-seek so much, and since bible god is the embodiment of petty, genocidal, racist misogyny, the apologists are left making up excuses for their deity.  Imagine working in an office where the boss hasn’t shown up for a few weeks, and the news reports the same boss is on trial for rape and murder.  The apologists are the ones telling everyone else that the boss is actually a great person and is at a very important meeting.  They even give orders to everyone else and pretend they got them from the boss.  But they haven’t.  They’re just being loyal and making up excuses.

Yes, excuses. That’s the thing that upsets me.  Apologists drop so many excuses it’s often hard to keep track of them all. Let’s take, for example, the “problem of evil”, as it is frequently called. Stated simply, it is the problem with rectifying an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving god with the existence of evil.  Many bad things happen in this world, and presumably an all-loving god wouldn’t want that. An all-knowing god could foresee it. And an all-powerful god could prevent it. But this is not what we see. The logical conclusion is god either is not loving enough, powerful enough, or knowledgeable enough to know what will happen and prevent it. Or he’s fake. But let’s keep playing make believe for a bit.

So without logical options, the apologists go to illogical ones. The classic excuse for the problem of evil is “free will”, where god is supposedly so wise that he lets us make mistakes, maybe even learn from them. But this pathetic excuse has two problems. The first is the bible itself. God didn’t want us to be independent, thinking, free persons, at least not if Genesis is your guidebook. God got pissed as hell when Eve dared to eat from the tree of knowledge. Clearly, thinking for ourselves was not part of the plan. So he isn’t very knowledgeable. Anyone with a child knows you don’t put Drain-o in a sippy cup in the middle of the living room. But this is what god did to his children. Dumb god.

But let’s add the next excuse, that god knew it would happen and it was part of his plan. Not sure what that plan was, but the result is that every woman EVER in the history of the world has had to suffer painful childbirth because of it. Yes, bible god punished women forever by making childbirth painful and dangerous because of the fruit tree transgression. So it sounds like he must have been really pissed about people thinking for themselves.  So pissed, he didn’t just punish the rule breakers, he punished the rule breaker’s still unborn children, and their children, and theirs for 6 millennia.  If he knew they would do it or not, he’s still a complete asshole.

You see, making another excuse doesn’t make the problem go away. The first excuse may “fix” the immediate question, but it then counters the next part of the story. And when your excuse goes against the very bible you claim to be following, your excuse is exposed.

The second lame excuse for free will is the idea of a parent allowing us to make some mistakes. He will correct us before we walk off the cliff, even if he lets us go right to the edge. Naturally, anyone that’s been alive for more than a day knows this is bullshit. God allows heinous crimes every day.  Unlike a father giving us space to grow, this deity is an absent father that hasn’t cared for his children since they were toddlers. Very bad parenting.  Hell, the MAJORITY of the world doesn’t even realize that he’s supposed to be the parent.  If he want us to go to heaven, he is simply failing.  I could do a better job as a human.  So once again, he still isn’t all loving, or powerful, or knowing.

This constant cycle of making up excuses for their god would be funny if people didn’t believe it. After all, it’s this culture of making shit up that gives rise to all the nonsense. Remember banana man? Ray Comfort sat in front of a television camera and CONFIDENTLY exposed the banana as the “atheist’s nightmare.” He described in detail how god clearly had made the banana just for humans, based on it’s shape, coloration, profile, how it opened, etc. He really said this with the authority of a physicist telling you that water is comprised of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. The only problem is, he made it all up! Just made shit up and tried to pretend it was a super valid point.  Maybe it made sense in his warped little head, but we know it’s completely made up because wild bananas are not very user-friendly at all.  Only the domesticated, selectively modified bananas have the characteristics Ray was espousing.  They are amazingly adapt to humans because we MADE them so.

Would you like to hear someone give an entire presentation where they make up nearly every sentence they utter? Look no further than apologists.  Kent Hovind has an entire “scientific” lecture which has no science, but plenty of made up bullshit.  He’s the con artist that claimed various “theories” (Hovind calls made up bullshit “theories”) about the biblical flood, creation, etc. Every one of his “theories” can be disproven with simple 3rd grade science.

He has claimed that the biblical global flood was created because the earth was made 6000 years ago with an ice sheet high above the earth that god melted, which caused the flood.  Some super quick math on how thick the ice sheet would have to be (Hovind doesn’t bother with math), and some quick figuring out how far sunlight penetrates ice (Hovind doesn’t bother with checking) and we can demonstrate that in his model, the earth would have been too dark for plants to grow.  It’s not even that hard to expose the bullshit.

Nobody in the audience ever fact checks these excuse makers and liars. They all just nod in happy agreement. It is an enterprise that is the polar opposite of learning. It is anathema to intellectual stimulation. Apologists ARE excuse factories.

The Spartan Atheist


15 thoughts on “Excuses are like Apologists

  1. “Anyone with a child knows you don’t put Drain-o in a sippy cup in the middle of the living room.”
    This analogy is spot on. God knew Eve would be tempted before Eve was even created yet he allowed it to happen anyway. What did he think would be the outcome? He knew the result beforehand yet acted so surprised and furious after the fact. Ummm…you set it up that way, knowing full well what would happen. If anyone should be the target of your anger, it’s you. Be mad at yourself for being so careless. Don’t punish Adam, Eve and all of their descendants for all of eternity because of your mistake.
    My wife is due to deliver our fourth child in late August/early September. She’s hoping to be drugged up enough to not feel the punishment God cursed all women with because of the poisoned sippy cup he himself left in the Garden.
    Nice post.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks. It really makes no sense.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. The commandment, not to eat of the special tree, was given before Eve was even created. She (and we) was punished for disobeying an order that she was never given. I assume that Eden didn’t have a users’ manual. 😯

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Only the domesticated, selectively modified bananas have the characteristics Ray was espousing. They are amazingly adapt to humans because we MADE them so.

    That’s the irony of it. Bananas really were intelligently designed — just not by a god.

    we can demonstrate that in his model, the earth would have been too dark for plants to grow.

    Not to mention the problem of where all the extra water went after the flood was over. I suppose it all just cascaded off over the edges of the flat Earth.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think he suggested that there were earthquakes or something that cracked the crust and the water went into them. That’s why the whole world looks like Yellowstone national park….. um…….

      I couldn’t cover all his bullshit in one article.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Like FDR once said to his favorite butler, Jeeves Dandyfinger, “Jeeves, apologists are like assholes. No matter how you dress ’em up, they always wind up reeking of shit.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL! Good old FDR and Dandyfinger.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Pastor Mel told me this morning I don’t believe because I don’t understand the argument. I do understand, that WHY I don’t believe. They think that if only the wording were right they’d get us. No? We weigh the evidence and there is none. No about if bullshit can make me believe that a god sits in yonder heavens and commands a trillion galaxies and likes to peek at me when I sleep.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Lol! God’s existent hinges on if Mel can word the argument in such a way that you get it. That’s lame.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You forgot to use the word ontological in your response. Every time I see that word I know we’re going nowhere.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Oh, no shit. It’s the eye roll moment every time.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Many believers consider the Bible inerrent and infallible. If it were, its message would be instantly clear to all persons on the first read. The existence of apologists trying to clarify what God was trying to convey shows the book is not inerrant.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think Ray’s amount of teleological thinking was bananas! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I became more stupid after listening to banana man talk.
    Does he take us for fools.

    If his god created the natural banana for us to eat as banana man said, his god also made the deadly Amanita phalloides easily accessible and coconut, pineapple, watermelon etc a hassle to eat then clearly it wasn’t his god plan for us to survive and he or she or it is angry that we lasted this long
    Banana man just showed us his god is an evil being

    The funny part is that Ray Comfort thought what he said made sense

    Liked by 1 person

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