Earning your (bible) stripes

It’s worth noting that many of the people that claim the bible to be inerrant have also never actually checked to see if this is so. It really isn’t a difficult endeavor, we are a literate country after all. But since I did the work, I’ll drop the spoiler. The bible is a mess. Scientifically, its a disaster.

And no, I’m not talking about something so controversial as evolution, with only 99.98% of scientists in agreement. I’m talking about things that are blatantly wrong.

Let’s take genetics for example. Anyone remember this diagram from high school?

There are dominant and recessive genes, and in the case above, yellow coloration is dominant. Using this simple chart, we can predict the probability of coloration for any offspring. The yellow pea to the left has both the dominant yellow and the recessive green, while the pea on top has two recessive green genes. If we mate the two, approximately half of their offspring will be yellow, and the other half will be green. Pretty uncontroversial stuff. So uncontroversial, they probably even teach this in Christian schools.

Michelle Bachmann could get on the stage at Liberty University (motto: “We aren’t a university, and we don’t want you to have liberty.”) and talk about her red hair and how it was passed down from her ancestors, and maybe even skipped a generation. Every head in the audience would nod in approval, because they understand this is how genetics works.

There are over 2 million farms in the U.S. Given religiosity rates, that’s a million and a half to two million religious farmers. All farmers understand genetics. They breed animals for certain character strengths, such as muscle, fat percentage, and even maternal traits. If you have a line of cattle that exhibit a certain trait, you breed that line more. The offspring that also exhibit that trait are then selected for the next generation of breeding, while the ones that don’t are not. There is no controversy here. Bull and semen salespersons discuss at length the genetic ancestry of their product.

Crops are genetically selected (or even genetically modified) to produce higher yields or resistance to pests or pesticides. This is not controversial stuff. The genetic modification of seeds IS the selling point for seed companies.

Let’s compare this with genetics in the Bible. Check out Genesis 30. Get to the part where Jacob and Laban are dividing up the sheep herd based on wool coloration. There, Jacob frauds Laban:

37 Jacob, however, took fresh-cut branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and made white stripes on them by peeling the bark and exposing the white inner wood of the branches. 38 Then he placed the peeled branches in all the watering troughs, so that they would be directly in front of the flocks when they came to drink. When the flocks were in heat and came to drink, 39 they mated in front of the branches. And they bore young that were streaked or speckled or spotted.

Did you catch that? According to the bible, if sheep see spots or stripes while doing the nasty, their lambs will have spots or stripes. And the story doesn’t end with “and it didn’t work at all, so Jacob just screwed himself.” To the contrary, in the story it worked! This is not how genetics works at all. And this is how we know that the story is made up.

Dear reader, you now have YOUR bible stripes for recognizing stupidity in the bible.

Saying the bible is “scientifically correct” is demonstrably false. The skin coloration of sheep is genetic, and is in no way influenced by what the ewe was looking at during coitus. Could you imagine the implications of this? Imagine a human child with skin that was printed with an image of a locker room and a dozen football helmets…….

Ha! Bad joke aside, THIS is exactly what the bible is prescribing as legitimate science. It’s almost offensive how completely wrong it is, and how completely right believers think it is. I’ll be honest, I’ve never heard a defense of this passage, and most likely that’s because the bible is the most under-read book in history and most have never heard this one. But it’s in there.

Stay tuned for more “science” in the bible.

The Spartan Atheist


6 thoughts on “Earning your (bible) stripes

  1. I have just been laughing

    If the majority of christians stop treating the bible as a software license that they just don’t read but still select I agree

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My mom must have been looking at Clark Gable when I was conceived. Or maybe it was Buddy Hacket :))

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think many Christians don’t check their Bible because the whole ‘faith’ thing just encourages people to become ignorant and just accept what you’re told. Also, I’m willing to bet many Christians won’t check because they don’t want to; they don’t like the idea that what they’ve believed and committed to all their lives could be wrong, I know I didn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, it’s definitely cognitive dissonance.


      1. That and a bit of sunk cost fallacy.

        Liked by 1 person

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