My story: by darklove

Hi! I’m darklove and I am a blogger who is in cahoots with the Spartan Atheist on this blog! The wheels are turning in my mind! I am glad you are here to join us.

We all have different thoughts and experiences, and you will find my writer’s voice to be different from the Spartan Atheist’s and might be confused…like wait, this doesn’t sound like the Spartan Atheist! Be sure to look to see who the author is before reading.

While reading some of my posts, you may think that I am bitter and sound harsh about religions and the people in it. I’ve been down a dark road with a past full of extreme religious “icons.” When I say icons, they truly are prominent, intelligent people in the circle my ex husband is a part of. How the hell did I ever get stuck and in that mess for quite a period of time? I often ask myself that question.

Do I hate religious folk or Christians? I don’t, well okay, some of them–the ones I know who cause harm. Some of the meanest people I know call themselves Christian. However, there are some Christians that I know who are well meaning and kind. Anyway, my point is to inform, and to tell the truth about the whole ridiculousness behind it all in a logical sense, sometimes mixed in with a touch of humor.

Seems Christianity is based upon a lot of emotion, in which I will explain further in other posts. I had to get out of the emotion and into logic and it has been a tough exercise throughout these five years of coming out of religion all together. I had to then incorporate the emotion with my new found freedom, and get damn mad at the fact that religion is harmful. Finding the gumption to study “behind the scenes,” per se, and then voice my opinion, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, besides raise kids. That’s how much religious brainwashing can harm someone and their way of thinking–they don’t even know who they are anymore, and even second guess their every move or thought. That was me, but I am back!

The experience might have had some persuasion on my internal compass which points due north…atheist. Hey! There should be an atheist constellation! Or maybe we are that constellation since we’re made of stars. Anyways, there is that factor in which I’ve spent a lot of time researching and pondering set me into this default. Things just didn’t add up to me, and I wanted my life back!

It really all started when five years ago I read Christianity without the Cross: A History of Salvation in Oneness Pentecostalism.  The book is a long, unbiased history from a neutral author, Professor Dr. Thomas A. Fudge.  This book helped me to see religions change their doctrines all the time. Like, which religion or doctrine is the one? It can drive a person bonkers.  Also, reading it really made me angry because well, this was the sect my ex husband became a part of all of a sudden after we got married, and I was stuck getting sucked into a black hole, or so I thought back then. He became so fanatically engulfed.

Being his wife,  I was involved with it too, but not to the degree he was and is. Whenever I would go with him to that red tin roofed church on the corner of Charles and Logan Street, Calvary Apostolic Church, United Pentecostal Church International, the preacher would be shouting fire and brimstone messages. In my mind I would yell, “Bullshit! Bullshit!” Your opinion didn’t matter there either, and they did everything they could to silence individuals. At this time, I was realizing I was becoming agnostic during the last few years of my 13 year marriage. My ex husband became more and more crazy as I tried to maintain our marriage, and he would back me into corners berating me if I didn’t go to church, and sometimes even throwing me out and locking me out of my own home away from my children. One time he locked me in the car when we stopped at ACE Hardware. He said he didn’t want to be seen with me in public because I wore pants.   I was living in pure hell.

This wan’t the only religious craziness I was a part of. When I was a kid, my mom and dad switched from being Catholic to Baptist. Our whole family, and the whole small town mind you, harassed my folks about how we were going to hell because they left the Catholic church. This was the Catholic church that my family had a part in starting and building back in the early 1800’s in the small community.  They told my mom that the reason my Grandma was sick and dying of cancer, is because they left and God was angry!  They also said that my brother was going to hell because he wasn’t baptized as a baby.  Craziness at its finest, and my family’s reputation was literally demolished because of these religious bullies. Oh, but there were religious bullies in the Baptist church as well. I had a hell of a time there–I can’t even begin to tell you.  I never wanted to be like them! But out of all of the religious experience, the Pentecostals were the most cracked and disillusioned. What makes me sad is that my kids are still exposed to this cult.

So, after I reclaimed my life as my own, got a divorce, and studied about all kinds of religious, I came to the realization that all religions are similar, if not the same.

So yeah, here I am. Blogging about atheism and religion. I got my life back and being the person I really am. I’ve been writing and blogging for many years now. I also love to rock climb, hike, camp, ski, walk in the rain, read, hang out with my kids, family, and my friends, arts and crafts, have long conversations with my Spartan Atheist, watch football, and all in all, do wild and crazy fun things because life was made to be lived!



5 thoughts on “My story: by darklove

  1. Cool! Welcome to the blogging sphere of the non-believers! And no matter what you may here about some of us, we’re not all cannibals. I am, and I believe Ark and John Zande are, but most of the others you may meet on these blogs aren’t. They SHOULD be. They’re missing out on some great meals, but they’re not, at least not yet. Welcome. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Happy for your escape. You both have a good little team working here. And you can wear pants. How liberating it is to be out of religion? Very!!


  3. Wow that sounds like a terrible upbringing, I am happy you have now escaped that.


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